The Sarcastic Pat on the Back

Ah, yes, it's the I-should-be-studying-but-PROCRASTINATION time of the year. Last exam coming up next Wednesday.

My Camp NaNo journey has been a complete failure so far. I've written less than 2k in three days. Turns out pantsing is just not for me. I'm an obsessive planner, and I should have known better than to suppress the urge. Yeah, sure, studying got in the way of planning, but since I didn't really study at all and chose to procrastinate instead (and hence should REALLY be getting to it now) it wasn't a good excuse. So now, since I am determined not to give up, I will have to plan a whole novel in a matter of days once my exam is over. And then I will have to write about 3k a day to finish in time.

And I have myself to blame for that. I think I deserve a sarcastic pat on the back.

The Taxes

Blog post. Haven't done this in a while.

I should really be doing my taxes right now. I should have just done them in January and move on. But no, I always leave things to the last minute. Welcome to the life of a professional procrastinator. Ooh, alliteration!

Watched The Fellowship of the Ring with my dad yesterday. Which was weird. I basically know those movies by heart, and I love them to death, and then my dad kept pointing out things like, "Okay, if those woods are dangerous, why do they have to go through there? Why not just take another path?" And I had to come to the realization that fate is a really neat way to drive your plot. It's just because they have to. It's where they're supposed to go. It's what is supposed to happen. Which is, admittedly, very bad reasoning.

Going to spend two days with extended family. I don't know who exactly is going to come, but probably loads of old people. Friends and relatives of my grandparents. Shame I have hardly any cousins actually in my age range. I'm sort of looking forwards to it, anyway. But sort of not, too. That was a very strange not-sentence.

My excitement for Camp NaNo has sort of drained again. I just really want my stupid exam to be over and be able to jump up and down and squeal because it's SUMMER and SUMMER is AWESOME. And also, start writing my novel and see where it takes me.

Also started watching the TV show Girls, and I wonder if I'm gonna end up like Hannah. Unemployed, broke, and with dreams too big for me. Because let's face it, studying English is just not gonna buy you a job. It's a pretty useless degree. That is pretty, and degree-y, and useless. And the word degree-y totally doesn't work.

Ah, yes, the joys of being a wanna-be writer, who enjoys thoughts and coffee and books and puns and invented words. I'm basically programmed to be a faliure in our efficient, capitalistic, progress-oriented society. Except maybe that I'm furthering the economy with my coffee addiction.

The Bookish Life Ambitions

I want to read more books. I love books. I also want to work in a book shop at one point in my life. It would be awesome if I got a job at the local English book shop.

Still trying to decide which subjects I should study. Planning on going to the career advice centre (wildly invented a term there for what we call "Berufsberatung" in German) this week or next week. Probably next week.

I'm almost done with reading the parts of the Odyssey I have to read for my upcoming exam. It seems to be a book mainly about humans doing what they're told to do by the Gods, and eating lots of meat and drinking "the sweet wine". As if wine is sweet. I am slightly confused by that. But as far as "school books" go, I am actually rather enjoying it.

I set myself the goal of reading 30 books until the end of the year. Which should be managable. I am currently in the process of reading three books, two of them were recommended to me, the third one is the sequel to a YA novel I have previously read. I have to say that I forgot most of what happened in the first book, but I remember that I practically devoured it, so it must have been good.

I am just procrastinating here. I realize that I haven't actually got anything interesting to say today.

"Even if you can't see the light of day doesn't mean it's not bright outside." That's a line I intend to make into the chorus of a song. It just popped into my head while working the other day. I work in a place with absolutely no daylight, and every time I come out of the building in the evening I am slightly surprised that the sky is still there. Also, sometimes, I go in and the sun is shining, and eight hours later I come out and there's a whole lot of apocalyptic rain.

...yeah, I really wanted to use the word "apocalyptic" in this post. Is it weird that "apocalyptic" reminds me of "eucalyptus"?

The Book of Thoughts

Today is Sunday, and I feel like I should post something.

I have recently bought an adorable little notebook (it's green!) that I will henceforth refer to as the Book of Thoughts. I intend to write random thoughts that strike me as particularly clever at the moment in there, so it will be a collection of my own rubbish wisdom about life, quotes I like, and just realizations I've had and I think are worth writing down.

I also have a (or rather many) book of ideas, in which I write story ideas. I don't really have a diary anymore, but I used to have one in my early teen years. I wonder sometimes if I will regret it later in life that I didn't keep a diary because memories tend to get lost, and a diary is one way of keeping them... but I never was very good at writing about my life. It all just seemed so insignificant. No, scratch that, I should say it all seems so insignificant, present tense.

And anyway, I've got a blog now, blogs are cool. (Not what I meant to say, but couldn't help it.) I've got a blog now, which is sort of like a diary. Although admittedly, I don't really post that much about my life here... because it is all BORING INSIGNIFICANCE.

*cries tears of unimportance*

Not really. I'm rather content with my life. And I'll leave you on that cheerful note.

The Post-Exam Post (Oh yeah, I just did that.)

So now that exam craziness is (albeit temporarily) over, I think I should do something productive. If I don't give myself a clear task, I'll just waste away in front of my laptop and watch youtube videos all day, while occasionally checking on twitter and concluding everything with an epically lame blog post. Yeah, I'm just lazy like that. And very fond of doing nothing all day, thank you very much.

So, what is it that I could fit into my everyday life every day? I have two ideas, and I think I'm just gonna do both. I have decided that after a very long break (never got past my post Harry Potter depression... not really) I will take up reading again. I do want to start studying English literature in the fall, so I'd better be prepared, or something.

Also, writing a book has always been one of my goals in life. And I've got tons of ideas (well, no, that was an exaggeration, but I do have a few ideas) but I never really get them down on paper due to overthinking/underplanning. So I will try and write a bit every day from now on. I could resurrect my old NaNo project... Hmm...

So that's it for today (well, tonight, really) and I'll see you next time.

(Yep, definitely watched too many vlog-y videos today. That sign off was so youtube-ish.)

(And what's it with adding random endings to nouns in order to make them adjectives? Adjectives will one day take over the world.)

(And what's it with putting stuff in brackets?)

(Yeah, Marlin, you should really stop that.)

Great, I'm talking to myself again. I think I'm in need of a friend. Or a roommate. Or a friendly roommate. Or a roommate-y friend. Best case scenario: I end up with a roommate who is also my friend. Reality: I end up with neither.

The Pre-Exam Post

Ah, yes, the blog. I keep forgetting about this, but then I suddenly need a place to rant or get rid of some random thoughts that keep me from concentrating on more important things... and that's when I come back here. Not that random thoughts are unimportant, but they don't further my academic career very much, as opposed to, let's say, studying. And random thoughts happen to be the perfect concentration prohibiters. (Or is it prohibitors? Is that even a word? My mind has gone fuzzy with all the Latin vocabulary I've been forcing into it as of late.)

Yes, so, you might have noticed an undercurrent theme to this post. Yes, it is studying. Got my Latin exam tomorrow, and I'm actually so nervous that I'm feeling slightly sick. Never had this before. It is an all new (and unpleasant) experience. In fact, I should be cramming some more information into my head right now, but I just need a break. I need to breathe, walk around a bit, look out the window... and then battle on!

I am a rather ambitious person, and I expect a lot of myself, which leads to a lot of pressure. It's not exactly good for my body, apparently, because I've been battling with a sore throats and headaches, and now nervousness/sickness. But the headaches were probably due to a lack of sleep. (I almost wrote "sleep of lack" here. Which sort of proves that my brain has definitely reached "mildly clouded" on a scale from "clear" to "fuzzy".)

Yeah, just ranting. I don't like exams. I become a wreck before exams. I usually pass them without too many problems, but I just get nervous. Not during the exam, but before. During the exam, I usually enter a stage of odd calm and extreme concentration. (I'm not so sure that the noun "concentration" can be described with the adjective "extreme" right now...)

This post will take no end if I don't forcibly end it. I could keep on ranting and talking in circles and writing phrases that I'm not sure are correct English and then wonder out loud (or, well, in writing) whether they work or not. So I'm gonna end this forcibly.

(As in now, Marlin!)

(Okay, I'm going.)

The... I-don't-know-what-to-call-this-Post

I don't like picking up the telephone because that puts me in a situation where I have to make reasonable conversation with strangers.

Also, I realized I really can't do Script Frenzy because I'm close to failing my Latin exam, which I want to avoid at all costs. But for the short time I was resolved to do Script Frenzy I realized that writing scripts is actually kind of awesome. It's almost like jotting down notes. You don't have to be all that specific about description and setting, you can just write dialogue, and then the occasional cool shot that's been stuck in your head... Well, I probably wasn't doing it right, but the way I was doing it actually made me write faster than when I'm trying to write an actual novel.

So maybe I should do first drafts in script form from now on.

I want to go to London. Like, soon. That's always been a dream of mine, but I'm afraid I'm stuck here for at least a year and a half longer. The prospect of moving to a foreign country for six months is kinda scary, but also very alluring. Just being free of everyone and everything that surrounds me all the time here... yeah, sounds pretty awesome to me.

The Rash Decision

Oh, hey blog. Almost forgot about you.

Today I decided to do something incredibly stupid. Well, not decided, really. It was more of an impulsive reaction. Just couldn't help it.

I signed up for Script Frenzy.

There, I said it.

Now, let me tell you why that is a little crazy and incredibly stupid of me. One, it's already April 1st, so I have no time for planning whatsoever. I just have to pull an idea out of my hat, I guess. The problem is, I'm not wearing a hat. In fact, I'm not a hat person.

Two, I have my Latin exam on the 20th of April, and I really should be studying my ass off for that. Also, I just realized that it would be incredibly cool if I could literally study my ass off (well, not all of it) because I've definitely gained some weight during winter. But now that the winter clothes are coming off, it's not looking so flattering anymore.

Three, I've never written a script before in my life. I considered going rogue and just writing a one hundred page novel/novella instead of a script, or maybe I'll just do a collection of things like some parts of a script, and parts of a story...

Now, there's also a reason why signing up is a good thing. Because it gets me writing. And I want to write, but I need a deadline hanging over my head or those fingers of mine won't get typing.

Happy April, guys :)

The Bright and Happy Post

It seems that I've really abandoned my blog as of late...

Let me update you:

I had a surprisingly good mark in my Latin exam that (sadly enough) didn't count. I still feel really unsure whether I'll pass the real thing in April, though. I feel I just scraped by on a combination of luck and getting an easy passage to translate this time... So yeah, still very anxious about that exam in April.

Then, there's the cold. No, I don't mean the cold outside, which has mercifully departed. I mean my runny nose and my sore neck and throat and generally feeling down and like crap. Oh joy...

Been reading a lot in my free time lately. Not that I have much free time. And I also got into the bad habit again of going to bed really late. Which makes me feel tired all the time. Still nothing happening on the writing front. I just can't let myself get absorbed by a story idea if I have all these little things I need to do (like study Latin, and study some more Latin) nagging at my brain all the time.

On the whole, a really happy and bright blog post, don't you think?

(I just accidentally typed "bog" instead of "blog". Now there's a funny typo.)

The Earthquake

Yesterday, shortly before midnight, there was an earthquake. In Switzerland. Yeah. It never happens until it does. It was a bit creepy, actually, since I was in my room which is on the upper floor of our house, and the whole floor just shook, and everything lying around rattled, and then it was already over before I truly realized what was going on.

Today is the last day of my pitifully short holidays. I only got half of the things done that I wanted to get done. That is so me. Still haven't worked on my story idea, yet. However, I did sign up for Camp NaNoWriMo just this morning. NaNo is great, and I think it wouldn't hurt to try it during summer. I kind of need that little extra push to actually write. Sad, I know, but self-discipline isn't one of my prominent traits.

The... er, what was it? Ah, yes, the Awkward Moment

You know what I hate? When I get two sentences mixed up in my head and then say a jumbled mess that nobody understands. Or when I start suffering from sudden mind blanks. It's okay when that happens with somebody I know well because then you can just say it again, or think about what you meant to say, but when it happens at work, and I'm trying to say a nice goodbye... and then I just go like, "Thanks you," or "have a nice weekend!" on Tuesday... or "Would you like... er... sorry, just forgot what I wanted to ask. Ah, yes, would you like a bag?"

I feel so idiotic sometimes.

And then I laugh and blush about it afterwards when I'm safely shut up in my room where nobody can see me.

I have this story idea. I think I mentioned it before, the one that was inspired by Viva la Vida by Coldplay. It's gonna be a fantasy story, which means world building, yay! I have this love/hate relationship with world building. It's fantastic when you get to make up a whole world, but... oh, the effort it takes. So much naming, so much inventing, so much creativity needed... and sometimes, when my creativity is taking a break, I just get nowhere with it. I like the drawing maps part, though. That's always fun. I feel like God sometimes. Not that I know what God feels like.

God probably laughs at me when I splutter out random nonsense. Words out of the blender that is my mind. Oh, seems like my creativity is done napping and is now in horrible metaphor mode.

The Morning After

Don't you love that feeling of accomplishment when you can go to bed at night, knowing you have done everything on your to-do list? Well, I did love the feeling last night, but now it's the morning after... A new to-do list, new tasks to complete, and I just feel so... energy-less. (Mental note: find a better word for that.)

What really made my day was my mom asking me to vacuum the whole upper floor of our house. Just the cherry on top.

What's that now? I'm complaining again? Sorry, bad habits. They like to stick around.

Well, I'm off to do stuff now. Toodles!

The Little Magical Things

I've spent the last three days learning the song Viva La Vida by Coldplay by heart. It's such a great song, and so inspiring... Actually, it has inspired me to write a fantasy story, since it's about kings and such. But I'm not giving too much away here because I first want to see if the idea is any good, and thus need to explore it a bit more.

Saturday night I was going home by tram, and I had the pleasure of being the only passenger in there. Kind of creepy. And kind of cool. I love the city by night. It's like walking through a dark forest; danger could be lurking anywhere, and you feel so good when you reach the sanctuary of home unharmed.

"Hear Jerusalem bells are ringing,
Roman cavalry choirs are singing."

I mean, what's it about, really? I love lyrics that make me think.

"Baby, baby, baby, oh,
Like baby, baby, baby oh..."

Yeah, those lyrics don't make me think. At all. They just make me roll my eyes.

My mom ordered a horoscope for me for Christmas, and she forgot to give it to me until yesterday. So many things that were in there about me were true. It's fascinating how somebody can get all this from the stars. I don't know whether I should believe in astrology or not, but I think I really want to believe in it. It's such a cool concept. Almost a little bit magical.

(Friday's sunrise)

The Cold Cold Day

It's sooo freezing today. Minus eight degrees Celsius. During the day. My fingers went all red and numb when I was trying to read the newspaper at the train station. And there's this mean wind, too.

I was quite glad when I reached home. Not looking forwards to going outside again tomorrow because they say it's gonna be even colder.

So when I came home, I studied quite dutifully for two hours. I made tea and lit candles to bring some warmth to the affair. Then I went to stand by the heater. I could stand by the heater all day. It's a rather good place to think.

I somehow like it when it's that cold outside. Then you always have the warm interior to look forwards to. And everything seems so much cozier inside.

Song for today: Cry Sometimes by Kate Earl

The Sneaky Aluminium

Did you know that one of the key ingredients of deodorant is aluminium chlorohydrate? I have no idea what that is, exactly, but it's pretty clear that it contains aluminium. Now, according to my mom, everybody who uses deodorant is going to die of the side effects of having too much aluminium in their bodies sooner or later. Because the body can't get rid of aluminium, it just accumulates.

Well, isn't modern society nice? We'd all rather smell good than prolong our lives.

I wrote a song today, but I'm not sure I like it.

I'm still in my writing rut as far as novels go. Or even short stories. I just can't seem to get anything down on paper/screen.

Meanwhile, let me give you this video to ponder.

The Back Ache and the Glasses

I have a back ache.

My dad thinks I should get a massage and exercise more often. My mom thinks I should get special soles for my shoes to even out my uneven hipbones... I think I should lie on my bed for two days, watch the OC and move as little as possible.

I think it's pretty obvious by now that I have failed my own challenge. Still, I won't give up on this blog quite yet. I like to ramble about stuff.

I'm trying out new glasses, and there is this pair that I sort of like, and sort of hate. They're pretty much round (my dad would call them John Lennon glasses, I would call them Harry Potter glasses) and they look kind of awesomely weird/nerdy, but they also look really excentric/out there. Now I am a very self-conscious person and therefore do not like getting a lot of attention, and I think they're the kind of glasses that attract attention, just because they're different. They're not the hipster glasses that everybody wears these days. And for that fact, I like them. But it's also why I don't like them.

Choosing new glasses is difficult. It's like choosing a new identity. And how should I know who I wanna be?

I think I'm being overly dramatic.

The Randomness

I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna write about today.

I had red wine with dinner. I never have red wine with dinner. Or any sort of wine for that matter.

I miss school, I miss seeing the same people every day, I miss seeing my best friend every day. She's going travelling for the next four months. Sometimes, I feel quite alone.

Not that anybody cares, but I'm horribly behind with my studying. I really want to work on this story idea, though. Also, I'm in the mood for chocolate. Again. I'm in the mood for chocolate quite often.

Maybe I'll watch some House tonight. It's on TV. Or maybe I'll study a bit more. Or maybe I'll do both. Yeah, sounds like a plan... I can eat chocolate while I study/watch TV.

The end.

The Gloomy Thoughts

I so fail at this challenge... My only excuse is that I simply forgot to blog yesterday. Had a bad day at work, and I was so wrapped up in my gloomy thoughts of gloominess that I just forgot about everything else. I also listened to some sad songs and thought about death. Yeah, I was in that mood yesterday.

So now I'm at Starbucks, and up until now I was studying. But I needed a break. Woke up really tired today, and also had a slight headache, so I'm in no shape for a studying marathon. I actually felt like a crumpled pillow this morning. And I think I was dehydrated because I forgot to drink anything yesterday evening. Because of my all-consuming gloomy thoughts of gloominess.

Also, I'm testing this new blogging app because the last time I posted something from my iPad, all the paragraphs vanished.

I think I'm gonna buy running shoes today and start going jogging in the mornings. I really need some physical exercise. I feel like dough most of the time (when I'm not feeling like a crumpled pillow), and I'm trying to change that. I'm gonna look hilarious in running shoes. I'm just not the sporty type.

(Judging by the amount of times I used "I'm" in this last paragraph, I'm the self-absorbed type.)

The Here and Now

I didn't blog yesterday. I fail. Fail whale... oh no, now that song is stuck in my head again.

It's the fail whale, it's the fail whale, it's the fail whale, it's the fai-ail whale.

So today, I didn't do my homework. Which is what I do most days. Really, doing homework has become the exception. (Any other students out there, don't take me as an example.) And yes, I'm writing about homework because there's really nothing more exciting happening in my life right now.

I wrote a song today. Here are the lyrics:

Stuck inside the clutches of my dream.
There's no revelation, there's no waking scream.
For the sky I'm aiming,
But I keep on failing...

Cause you're in my head,
All the time,
Can't get you out of my mind.
Go away,
Is what I said,
But you resolutely stay
Here...
(Go away is what I said...)

Worlds are fading, thoughts are dying,
But somehow I must keep going.
Such a beautiful illusion,
Can't let go of the delusion...

In my head,
All the time,
Won't get you out of my mind.
Oh please stay,
Is what I say now
This is who I am now

In my head,
All the time,
Won't get you out of my mind
Oh please stay,
Is what I say now
This is who I am now.
This is who I am now.

Aaaand that's it for today.  I'm still gonna try and blog every day, even though I basically already failed at my challenge. I have to get over my bad habit of quitting things, so I'm really making an effort to commit here...

The Kissing Couples

Thank God it's Friday. That's the slogan of Friday magazine, a free lifestyle magazine here in Switzerland. They always have a few pages of fashion photography, amongst others, and this week their theme was kissing. So they just photographed six couples wearing cool outfits while kissing each other. Somehow, I found myself focusing much more on the kissing than on the fashion, but hey, maybe I'm just desperate... It's been a while since I've had a decent kiss...

Also, I love chocolate.

Going to have to work tomorrow. Had a meeting with my people manager today, and they're almost certainly not going to fire me. So yay for that!

Tried to make a vlog, but after three tries I gave up. I just started rambling, and I wasn't in the mood for editing a video, so I'm typing today's post instead of filming it. Nothing good on TV tonight. Pity, I really would have liked to watch TV. How come there's never anything good on when I'm actually in the mood for watching TV? Probably because there's never anything good on TV.

The Quote

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try." ~ Fran Lebowitz

That is why I blog.

The Pleasant Surprises

For one, it's not sunny today anymore. I am probably weird that way, but I don't like sunny days in winter. Everything is so bright and clear, and I'm itching to go snowboarding when I can't, and my creativity goes into hiding because of the sun's glare. Grey, cloudy days make me feel pleasantly sad, and therefore set me in a writerly mood. Melancholy is the fuel of my writing.

Pleasant surprise number two was a letter. My grandma sent me a gift certificate for the hairdresser's. I have no idea why, but it's one of the most useful gifts my grandma has ever sent me. Everybody who knows me is aware of my slight hair obsession. And since I have a short haircut at the moment, I need to go cut it quite frequently or I just look hideous. So thanks, grandma.

Listening to mree right now, wonderfully mellow music...

The Snoring Man

Studying without snacking is like a car without wheels. Or something along those lines. I suck at coming up with similes. And I fancy myself a writer. Now that is not a good combination...

So yesterday there was this man on my train ride home... he sat two compartments further down the train, and he was asleep. He also had the most hilarious case of spontaneous snoring. Every half a minute or so he'd grunt-snore really loudly and then the snores would slowly fade out. Until his head jerked up again (yes, I had to peek who made the funny grunting sounds) and it was the same routine all over again... There was also some moaning and wheezing. Anyway, it was so hilariously disgusting (did I mention he had a runny nose?) that I gradually subsided into giggles, and couldn't stop giggling until I left the train.

I downloaded a to-do list app that can sync between Mac and iPad, and I quite like it so far. Writing lists is one of the best ways to assure that I actually do stuff. I'm really horribly lazy, and if I don't pay attention, I will have whiled away the day on Twitter, Youtube, my blog, writing sites, etc. Which means I basically just did nothing all day. This can be quite disastrous if you have an exam coming up in the middle of February, and you never did any homework/studying in the previous semester... Most of the time, I curse my laziness, but it just won't go away. Maybe I should stop feeding it brownies...

Mmmh, brownies...

The end.


... brownies ...

The Challenge

I know why I just did that... I like to torture myself. But it also feels good when you can look back on a month of 31 blog posts and think, "Wow, I did it."

The Eternal Argument

“I don’t want to.”

“But you have to.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“But you have to, and you know it.”

It’s an eternal argument with myself. I have to study for an exam, but I don’t want to. The reason I don’t want to is not that I am unwilling to learn, nor is it that I hate studying… the reason why I shy away from it is because I know I have a huge pile of material that will have to be crammed into my head in a very short amount of time. (And by very short I mean a month, which is short compared to the amount of stuff I have to learn. Basically, I have to learn Latin in a month… yeah, fun.) So this huge mountain of stuff that needs to be learned scares me, and that’s why I don’t want to. And every day I don’t do anything it gets worse…

So now I have to go study.


Also, alliterations are cool. Just sayin…

The Why

So today I start this blog. Why, you may ask. Well, just because I keep many parts of myself hidden from my family and friends for I’m just not comfortable sharing these parts with others. (Why yes, I’m shy.) But as it happens, I still get the urge to talk about these parts that I keep hidden… So I turn to you, dear random reader, so I can unleash every boring fact about myself upon you, unedited. Yep, this is me, unedited. Here’s the place where I don’t pretend. Now cheers, good night, merry Christmas, happy birthday and Amen (or something along those lines…)